God’s Surveillance
A couple of years ago, I reread George Orwell's iconic, 1984. It's a dystopian novel set against the backdrop of a totalitarian regime run by fear. The protagonist, Winston, not unlike everyone else in the story, feels the government's pressure. He's constantly in a state of worry about the surveillance of the authorities (e.g., Big Brother). He knows he's guilty of thinking bad thoughts about the government and he begins to notice someone, a lady, following him so he makes the assumption that he’s been found out. The tension mounts. Eventually, the lady bumps up against him in a crowded market space slipping a note into his coat pocket. Winston's heart sinks because he recognizes this is the end. He prepares for the judgment. And yet, when he finally dares to read the note, all it says is, "I love you." It's a complete reversal of what he imagined was happening. And it sets the stage for everything that follows.
I don't know all that Orwell was trying to get at. Still, when I read Winston's reversal of fortune, I immediately thought of totalitarian religious regimes that have conditioned us to be scarcity-minded and fearful. The "regime" has created the idea that God is constantly in surveillance of us, waiting for us to mess up. We live anxious lives because, well, we know we're guilty* and because we feel like someone is watching us. And then it happens. We have some interaction with God… an event in life, a relationship, a movie, a song, a sunset, or any number of things... the "note" is placed in our "coat pocket." We think, oh no, this is it. God has handed us his judgment. And yet, when we get the courage to read the note, to our dismay, what we find is that it says, "I love you." It's a complete reversal of what we imagined was happening. And it sets the stage for everything that follows.
There's a line in Psalm 23 that says, "Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…" The word follow comes from the Hebrew word radaph. It can also be translated as run after, chase down, or hound.
I just want to say that it doesn't matter what has gone on in your life. It doesn't matter how many rules you've broken, or how many laws they keep telling you that you have broken. It doesn't matter where you've been, what kind of anxiety runs with you. It doesn't matter the thoughts you have or the things you talk about; the person you are compared to the person some people think you are. It doesn't matter how much your deconstructed faith leaves you with embarrassment or confusion over what you used to think or believe about your theology, church, or religion. It doesn't matter that you have been disinherited from your family's faith.
I'm not saying that none of those things I just listed are unimportant. I am saying that in light of who your heavenly parent is, none of it ultimately matters. Because your heavenly parent is a radaph God. She is covering you with surveillance, but not "to get you." Instead, She's following you, looking for the opportunity to say, “I love you.” (If She didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing herself to the worst by sending Her own offspring, is there anything else She wouldn't gladly and freely do for us, and alongside us?)
My friend, surely Goodness, and Mercy will follow you all the days of your life. It sets the stage for everything that’s going to happen in your future. Don’t give up.
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*I'm not interested in talking about being guilty concerning some objective list of rules that the "regime" has created. Sin, for me, is best understood as disturbing the shalom God longs for in this world. Shalom is peace, unity, bringing things together, and helping one another. We disturb shalom when we sow seeds of antagonism, disunity, tearing things apart, and turning our backs on one another. In that light, which of us wouldn't say, "Oh yeah, I've done that. I've been guilty of frustrating and tearing things apart when love was trying to put things together?"
